Alright, You’re 1/10 finished.

Yesterday we talked about how a budget is the ROCK of your financial plan. It must be the first of all things financial. If you’re concerned about your retirement nest egg, you must first be concerned with the chicken. And, as we talked about yesterday, if you want to grow some fruit (retirement, debt freedom, college funding), you need a budget – err, tree. Whatever.

I’m sure it was as true in your neighborhood as it was in mine. There was a house somewhere nearby that the neighborhood kids decided was haunted. It was probably occupied by some scary lady who would peer through her curtains and scare the living daylights out of any kids that dared set foot on her lawn. You probably stayed awake with your friends during sleepovers daring each other to knock on the door and bolt.

Little did you know how absolutely wrong you all were! The scary lady was the sweetest lady you ever could have met. She peered out of her window in hopes that you would come and knock on her door so she could show you pictures of her grandkids that lived thousands of miles away. She also wanted to feed you the most delicious chocolate chip cookies you ever would have tasted. She was hoping above hope for some company. You never heard her talk (because you wouldn’t dare go near her house), but if you had, you would have heard the sweetest grandmotherly voice EVER.

See what I’m getting at? A functioning budget is like a sweet grandmother who bakes to-die-for chocolate chip cookies but is shunned by the neighborhood for no good reason! (I’ll see if I can’t use some sort of analogy with each day. By the end, I imagine we’ll all be good and confused!)

Let’s talk about these dirty rotten lousy lies (aka: excuses).

Lie #1: I’m spontaneous. Budgeting destroys spontaneity. Wrong. Budgeting promotes planned spontaneity. Yes, I’ll admit that for something to be spontaneous it can’t be planned. But won’t you also admit that you can acknowledge the fact that you will be spontaneous (without knowing exactly what it will be) and plan for that a bit? A concrete example: if, at the drop of a hat, you like to go buy shoes, and you’ve done it consistently, and you can’t stop, you either need to take drastic measures to keep yourself out of shoe stores or you need to acknowledge reality and budget for it. You still won’t know which shoes you’re going to buy (brown, white, black? Who knows!? That’s the unpredictable spontaneous part), but you’re acknowledging the fact that you WILL do something unplanned. Plan for the unplanned and you’ll level out the ups and downs of your financial roller coaster.

Lie #2: I’m not heavily in debt. I don’t need a budget. If you make any money whatsoever, you would be well-served to live on a budget. The budget makes money work harder, last longer, go stronger, think faster, and move quicker. Whether you make $100,000 a year, or $24,000 per year, you need a budget.

Lie #3: I don’t have time to budget. Oh don’t even go there girlfriend! You don’t have time NOT to budget. Allow me to let you in on a little secret: Throughout this course you are going to learn the most effective, efficient way to manage your money. This most effective, efficient way to manage your money takes one to two hours per month. (My wife and I have been clocked at as low as 38 minutes for the entire month). Put another way, you’re saying you DO have time for: talking with creditors, going to the bank to take out a loan, financing the purchase of a couch, settling for a new job that you don’t want because you can’t make it one month without a paycheck, etc. Sorry if that maybe sounded a bit harsh but that is reality. If you don’t face reality, well, reality will eventually grab you by the shoulders and whip you around so fast you won’t know what hit you. You WILL face reality eventually – make it happen on your own terms.

Lie #4: Budgeting means lots of paperwork. Nope. How the heck could my wife and I have done ALL money management tasks for the entire month in 38 minutes if there was a ton of paperwork involved? There are a few receipts. There’s an internet connection. There’s a piece of software (the software is the key, actually). That’s about it. Sometimes there’s some hot chocolate or another goody to eat while we’re doing our budgeting meeting, but I’ll talk about that on Day Six.

Lie #5: Budgeting is for nerds, geeks, and penny pinchers. May I take the liberty to alter the above lie into a truth? Budgeting is for RICH nerds, geeks, and penny pinchers. Thank you.

Lie #6: Budgeting causes inexplicable pain and suffering. Just the opposite my friend! The budget removes inexplicable pain and suffering. It helps you cope with financial problems. It is your straight-to-the-point doctor that never misses a diagnosis and tells you like it is. The budget will make your life easier. Truly.

Take a moment to write down what has kept you from actively budgeting. Do you not know how? Is the tracking too daunting? Is the software too overwhelming? Have you used the TIME excuse? Write those all down, then address each one of them. Debate yourself. Are your excuses also just dirty rotten lousy lies about a sweet, lonely grandmother?

Well, based on my experience working with others, these lies do seem to pop up most often. They’re dirty rotten lousy lies. Pay no heed to them. Remember: the budget wants to give you fresh, hot, gooey chocolate chip cookies – and just chat in a sweet, grandmotherly voice for an hour or so each month. Tomorrow we’re going to get into the mechanics of the budget, starting with the First Rule of Cash Flow. Hey, it only gets better, so hang on for the ride.