YNAB You Need A Budget

[TPro]

The fact that you're here says a lot about your intention to get control of your spending. That's exactly what YNAB is for, no matter what the individual or family circumstances happen to be. Since right now the situation is what it is, I would encourage you to work with YNAB using the money that DH makes available to you. Do the best you can, and if he is open to it, let him see what you're doing. As you get used to it, and show him your responsible money management, he will see that you are able to control your spending, and then he wouldn't need to restrict your access.

I hope it goes well for you!

[bookman413]

I would venture to say that there is money blindness and misconceptions (and emotional issues/relationship issues around your money) on both of your parts, compounded with a lack of cooperative effort....that's ok, that's where you are starting. i would not view you as needing to "prove" yourself, rather as being able to demonstrate a new method and level of accountability that I think would eventually benefit your relationship and show new methods that he will, hopefully, in time become interested in.. I would hope that your money situation as a couple becomes more cooperative and inclusive, but even if not, you will still see benefit from knowing for sure and being able to know for sure exactly where "your" money goes....and an increased ability to say "hey, i paid the car registration and that's not part of my usual monney so i'll need extra money to balance that out, then showing him the total financial picture from your side to back it up...

A few times of that, i would guess that he would start to be intrigued because in fact not that many people can claim that level of accounting in their personal money so he will likely be impressed and interested in turn when he sees what it has done for you.

[Bee&Bea]

Hi FlyintheOintment, welcome!

I would say definitely use YNAB for what you *can* control. It seems to me your DH is unaware of how much it takes to run a house and feed/clothe a family. Maybe he doesn't want you to know about money he spends and he wants to blame it all on you. It's not fair. But the more you can work to keep the budget in line, the more data you will have on your side to show him how much you need for just basic stuff. Keep your receipts to show what you bought, in case he thinks you're just spending extravagantly. Try to come to an agreement about what you're expected to pay for and what he is and let him know how much you need for your part.

[FlyintheOintment]

I like "money blindness." Your whole comment was spot on, bookman. Time for the blinders to come off!

Caligula, you are my new best friend! I appreciate your understanding, and there is some truth to what you say. I think my husband latches on to my spending because he's not in control of it. He's happy to spend on the weekend on eating out, wine, treats for the children. I can see that will probably stay the same, if I'm the one who has to pull in the pursestrings in the week. He will get to be fun daddy, while I say no to the kids.

Non-discretionaries! Yes! Our mortgage is about 45% of net income (but is on a decent rate, so won't be switching), we could do with changing our gas/electricity plan, we've done 2 major building projects and had 2 kids in the last 5 years; so it's not just me having an occasional Starbucks that is send us into debt. And weirdly, when I bring that up, my DH says he doesn't care if I go to Starbucks or go out for lunch. Confused much?

Anyway, it all points to the need for better communication, transparency and change of habits. This is clear to me. It may be that I will have to do it on my own at first, but I like the suggestions of how to proceed, either in my account or in the joint account. I see there is some flexibility, or at least the possibility of it once I can show my husband what I can do.

I really appreciate your time and thoughtfulness - it is so refreshing for an open forum! (Off to download the trial)

[sarham]

I know this is a financial forum, so forgive me if this is a little off-topic. Your original post really raised some red flags for me. I realize there are two sides to every story, so I won't point fingers. I will just strongly suggest that a SAHM with no access to family account information opens the door to some.scary situations, one which you are currently experiencing. I know you will do your best. I hope that if you continue to be shut out, you will consider a third-party to help you and your husband increase your communication and transparency.

Best wishes as you start your trial with YNAB!

[alexkatie]

Hi,

My idea would be if you could use YNAB to enter in all of the expenses that you are with all the bills and such and then see what is left over. If you can do it for the past few months that could be helpful to gain an idea of where you were spending your money.

I know it wont be perfect but it will give you something to start the conversation on. Print it out and show it to your husband, let him review where all the money went and then you can talk it over.