Want a Change? Start With You


WARNING: This is a rant. I would say skip ahead a few paragraphs if you don’t want a rant, but you’d still be getting a rant. The whole darn thing is one big rant.

If you’re stuck in a job you hate, do three things today that will help you like your job. If you like your job, you’ll make more money. Find everything interesting and you’ll be happier. Whose fault is it really that you hate what you do? You want me to say it’s your boss. But it’s not. It’s someone else.

If you’re job-less, what are you going to do? Be down about it? Mope? Blame someone? Blame everyone?

When you’re done with that, let me know how things have improved. Be proactive, get out there, and sell yourself!

Your expenses are higher than your income. Whose fault is that? The slick marketers, copywriters, and salesman that prey on the psychologically weak? So are you just saying that you’re psychologically weak? Fair enough. That means it’s still your fault.

You’re stuck in a job you love but the income doesn’t meet your needs, so you’ve been managing the gap with credit cards and things have gotten out of control. I’m glad you love your job. Find a way to make more money though! This is all up to you! If you’re not making more money, it’s your fault.

Are you saying, “I can’t help it” way too often? (Even once is too much).

Stop blaming everyone but yourself! It’s the recession. It’s the economy. It’s the president. It’s the price of gas. It’s my spouse. It’s my crazy kid. It’s my neighbor. It’s my boss. It’s the stock market.

Why don’t you start saying IT’S ME every once in a while? Everyone around you would be happier if you did. And then you could actually start doing things instead of just complaining about them all the time.

This is directed to everyone but you. You’re the best. You never make mistakes. You’re infallible.

You’re also so full of yourself that you believed the garbage I just wrote in the prior paragraph.

My oldest son has discovered it works to his advantage to be agreeable. When I asked him why he did X (like break the window downstairs because he was golfing downstairs), what was his response? “Oh, Dad. Sorry. I didn’t know.”

I mean, seriously, I know he knew. I don’t know if he knows I know he knew. But he probably does. That statement, as insincere as it likely is (he’s learned the phrase prior to learning the actual meaning is my guess) puts me at ease a bit when I’m on the warpath. What a nice thing to say. Shoulder the blame and express some ignorance. (But do it sincerely).

I just don’t understand why people can’t admit that something’s their fault. Fess up! You’re not all-knowing! So you didn’t know your job would have a boss that drives you crazy. What can you productively do about? So you chose an occupation that isn’t quite bringing in the income you’d like…what can you do about it? So the economy is slow (is it though? Didn’t we just hear about it growing two percent?). What are you going to do about it?

We have all of these talking heads surrounding us, telling us how bad things are, how so-and-so has done X and Y which means Z for you. Seriously? Do other people have that much influence over me that I can’t think for myself and take some action? Am I such a sheep that I just BAAhaahaa when appropriate and follow the others?

How does complaining possibly help you — ever? You tell me one time (leave a comment) where you sat there complaining and wringing your hands and that made things better.

Tell me one time where blaming someone else made a situation improve.

I can’t think of one.

So, WHY DO WE ALWAYS COMPLAIN–BLAMING OTHER PEOPLE FOR OUR CIRCUMSTANCES?

I love YNABers that I run into on the forums because they aren’t complaining. They’re realizing that a situation is at hand and disaster is imminent unless they take ACTION. They’re DOING something and they’ll be rewarded for it. Some of them probably could feel justified pointing the finger of blame elsewhere, but what are they doing instead? They’re taking action. They’re recognizing that they have, as Dr. Covey puts it, a “circle of influence” and they’re operating within that circle.

The center of the circle of influence is you. So start there when you want change. It’s amazing how taking a bit of action, setting some goals, and being ferocious about it can change you. And then you’ve changed your world. Finally.