From Podcast #161: Lay It All On The Table, the one in which Jesse quotes Beyonce.
When you are entering into a serious relationship and that relationship starts going into the realm of money, it is so, so, so critical that you lay it all on the table. You just have to. There is no other option. You can’t hide it — it wouldn’t be right. It would start things off on the wrong foot.
So, make sure that you’re super clear — as we discussed last week — getting a feel for each other’s priorities, passions, goals. And then, as you get more granular, you really need to tell them how things have gone for you so far, especially if it’s still relevant. But you want to have a good… make a good showing, obviously.
No one likes to drag themselves through the mud or anything if there are past mistakes. BUT, you’ve got to start the relationship out… I say start it out; I mean obviously at this point you would have been in a relationship for a while. But when it comes to money, you’re kind of starting fresh and it can be taboo, even with the person to whom you confess your undying love.
So, you’ve got to make sure you lay it all on the table — no secrets. No secret debts. It destroys things. Again, I’m no marriage counselor; I don’t have any training in it. But from the gut feeling, from a logic feeling — if there is a feeling of logic — it stands to reason that dishonesty when it comes to money can kind of taint the whole thing. So, just kind of lay it all out there.
If it’s really hard for you, write it down — share it in a letter or something. But do it in a way that is kind of… I don’t know, it will make you feel very vulnerable.
Julie brought more money to the relationship than I did — that is for sure. She was a saver and I was, I thought, a saver, but then I bought a ring — because if you like it you better put a ring on it, and that’s what I did — and that kind of drained me of all my money. So, anyway, we both knew we didn’t like debt early on and that helped us be compatible from a very, very early stage in our marriage. And it was important for us to just kind of be open about that.
I knew where Julie had come from regarding money; I knew what her mum and dad had thought of money; she knew what mine thought of money — we kind of knew where we stood. And then when we got married it wasn’t a big surprise — there were no surprises. It was just us joining things together — which we’ll talk about next week.
Until next time, follow You Need A Budget’s four rules and you will win financially. You’ve never budgeted like this.
This episode aired March 2, 2015.
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